Lost Year

I think we as Christians try all too often to predict God’s plan for us. For me, personally, my journey this past year has taken unexpected turns. Earlier in 2016 I thought, as long as I’m obedient to God, I’d be able to see all He had laid out in front of me. But in retrospect, just the opposite has happened as a result of my strengthened relationship with the Lord! Being self-aware of our situation and position is not always God’s intention for us. Sometimes He’s going to lead us as if we are blindfolded because He wants us to trust where we’re being taken.

Quite a few of these blogs here have focused on relationships past, present, and future. This stems from the fact that I’m somewhat of a hopeless romantic and can’t help but long for being with my life partner. I hadn’t found her, but I was hopeful God would lead me to her! I wrote how He’d reveal her to me when I was least expecting it. Unfortunately, all the while I still had my eyes wide open, still searching for myself. I saw myself face to face with a few gals that turned up some as friendships, some as “dead-ends.” I finally realized that I hadn’t been taking my own advice, and so I stopped. I was really just ready to ignore any and all feelings for another person and just focus on my personal ministry at church and relationship with God. I must have really meant it that time, because not too long after, God revealed her to me. When I had truly surrendered my desires to God and turned this whole relationship ordeal over to Him, He pointed me to the woman that I am so happy to say I am currently in a wonderful relationship with. And how! We’ve been dating for 2 months, and I only see a brighter future ahead for us. We forged the foundation of the relationship on Christ first and foremost, and our growing affection followed suit. Which is what set her apart from anyone before! This wasn’t just a mere feeling, this was as if God was commanding our spirits to embrace Him with each other, like a group hug of sorts! I wish I could fully explain my heart; alas, words can only carry so much weight.

The image I have featured at the top of this blog was a photo I took myself earlier this month at Chinook Pass near Mount Rainier (if you haven’t guessed yet, I really enjoy hiking and taking photos). I take a trip to this small lake around this time every year as a dedicated “Me-and-God vacation” sort of thing. The last 2 trips were secondarily out of desperation to get away from the noise of other people in my life and the varying types of stress that relationships had been putting on me at the time. This year was different, though. I took the trip simply to be with God. Not because I needed to hear His voice, but because I wanted to hear Him speak. What I got was a confirmation of everything that had culminated in the last few months. God rewards those who listen to Him and trust in His perfect timing. And so long as we trust that what He wants for our life good and pure, there is no need to worry about our future. There is no need to regret our past, and there is no need to be anxious about this present moment. I pray fervently that the woman I am with now will be the one I ask her hand for in marriage. But in the mean time, I can finally choose not to worry! Our lives are in His hands.

“We forged the foundation of the relationship on Christ first and foremost, and our growing affection followed suit.”

I tend to look back on my past for self-given advice because our experience tells us which actions to take differently and which ones we should repeat. We learn from our mistakes, and we learn from our successes. Looking back on my previous writings about romance and relationships and Christ, I see a beautiful mess. I see myself as a man who desperately needed direction and our God patiently doled it out to him, month after month, until it finally clicked in his dumb head. I see the mistakes I made and I see which actions were obedient unto God. But it’s all part of the process of growing with the Lord! How utterly lost would I be if I kept going back to the same mistakes I had been making, relying on mere feelings to guide me instead of Jesus. I’d be doomed to misery and disappointment every single time I got my hopes up. Thank God He never gives up on us.

If you’ve read the entire paper trail of blogs I’ve chosen to write, you’ll have gotten a glimpse at the fact that this has been a long road for me. One marred with hiccups and discontent and an inability to hand over my worries to God. It’s taken up a lot of my thinking time, as I’m sure you’ve clearly gathered at this point. But if I had to sum it up in a final thought, I’d say for the last 12 months I’ve been lost, but I wouldn’t lose those 12 months for the world. It’s been important in being transformed into my newfound self, and it’s even more important that I remember the journey God has taken me on. Now that I’m moving forward with Him fully in control of this part of my life, it’s time to move on towards the next facet that He shall consume. Lord, I am ready to be completely Yours!

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